List of Best Sayings

Feast your eyes and mind on these absolutely brilliantly thought up quotes, sayings and phrases. Fun for the entire family!

• A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

• I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better.

• A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age.

• If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter

• Of all days, the day on which one has not laughed is the one most surely wasted.

• I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.

• A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

• A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.

• Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.

• Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Memorable Funny Sayings

Enjoy this funny and interesting collection of various sayings and quotes muttered by random people.

• You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

• It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

• Optimists think the glass is half full. Pessimists think the glass is half empty. Realists know that someone will have to wash the glass.

• If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror, because I bet that's what REALLY throws you into a panic.

• Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

• Computer programmers don't byte They nibble a bit.

• I want to die like my grandfather- asleep, not like the passengers in his car, screaming!

• When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you’re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it’s death by meteor.

• A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.

Funny Phrases

Sit back relax and enjoy this funny list of cool and witty phrases which have been muttered over the years.

• An optimist is someone who falls off the Empire State Building, and after 50 floors says, So far so good!

• An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

• Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.

• That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

• Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.

• Here's to you and here's to me, and I hope we never disagree. But, if that should ever be, to HELL with you, here's to ME!

• If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

• When life gives you lemons, you’d better wait for it to give you some sugar first or else you’ll have some really nasty-tasting lemonade.

• Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

• I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown